February 17th, 2020
And, yesterday's share would be the 2nd time I would go really well in business and then it all came crashing down on me. The first time sent me into bankruptcy!
But, this wasn’t just happening in business…
It was happening in my intimate relationships.
It had happened in my sporting career.
It would happen with my training and nutrition.
It was happening in every area of my life, consistently.
As I processed through these thoughts it made me soooooo angry, to the point where I just wanted to rage and give up at the same time.
Then, at that moment I got taken back to the recent scenario where I walked out on the business…
The thought came to me…
The business partners had been lying to me and had begun to take part in fraud.
Then the massive Ah-Ha moment which changed everything...
“They were lying to you and beginning to take part in fraud, because…
YOU HAVE BEEN LYING TO YOURSELF AND BEING A FRAUD TO YOURSELF!”
It was like I had just been punched in the face by Mike Tyson, followed by a sledge hammer and finished off by being hit by a truck.
I remember it vividly, like it was yesterday.
One minute I was lying on my bed at 1pm in the afternoon, feeling sorry for myself, feeling depressed, feeling lonely, feeling lost and uncertain about life.
The next minute, I was bouncing out of bed with purpose, excitement, hope and ready to tackle the world. My own inner world which had been abandoned for my whole life.
But, it didn't take long for it all to come crashing back down again.
The thoughts started to creep back in again.
How was I lying to myself?
I would lie to myself consistently throughout life by exaggerating the truth to people, to try and make myself look better.
I would lie to myself by creating stories that weren't true, to try and make myself look better to people.
And, so the memories of all the lies would begin to unravel.
Just like that I was back in the hole feeling like shit again!
Feeling overwhelmed with life.
“What the fuck is going on with me?”
“Like, seriously this is doing my head in!”
Only a week ago I was in Rome, eating delicious food, enjoying the sunshine, drinking cocktails, running a $12 million dollar business, driving a Mercedes, not having any concern about money.
But now, all that had been lost…
And, to add salt to the wound, my 17 year old brother was due to come live with me in a few weeks to support and help him through a difficult time.
How can I do that when I am in a difficult state myself with no business, no money coming in, very little money in the bank, a partner and young girl who already lives with me and relies on me.
I felt hopeless, I felt like a failure and I felt as though I didn't know who I was anymore.
My Identity had been completely taken away from me.
I was lost and didn't know what to do or where to go.
And, then out of nowhere an opportunity was provided to me.
An opportunity I said yes to out of desperation, because I needed to do something…
To be continued…
DISCLAIMER: "I'M NOT A DOCTOR. HOWEVER I HAVE DOCTORS THAT SUPPORT ME ON THE OTHER SIDE. SO WHEN I CAN SEE DISFUNCTION IN YOUR BODY, THEY SUPPORT ME TO UNDERSTAND WHAT THE DISFUNCTION IS AND ALSO HOW TO TREAT THAT DISFUNCTION. I ALSO TAP INTO MY STUDIES IN AYURVEDIC MEDICINE TO SUPPORT WITH UNDERSTANDING THE DISFUNCTION AND HOW TO TREAT THE DISFUNCTION. HOWEVER, IF YOU HAVE ANY CONCERNS, PLEASE DON'T HESITATE TO GO AND SEE YOUR DOCTOR AS THE FIRST POINT OF CALL" - MICHAEL CLARKE