It shocks people when they hear that I used to own businesses and work in the construction industry.
For the best part of 12 years I would physically, emotionally and mentally strain my body, waking at 4:30am, lifting steel scaffolding, dealing with construction managers, tradies, workers not showing up, people not paying on time, businesses going bankrupt and all that comes with the construction industry.
I would drown myself with alcohol, drugs and gambling for many of these years, just to deal with the strain and pain which I would endure each and every day.
But, this was OK as I had the C320, V6 Mercedes, the money, the house and the attractive blonde partner.
To the outside world, I was living the dream.
But, inside I was self imploding.
The stress, the anger and that little voice inside my head was taking over.
Everything I was doing was purely for the money and to have people accept me.
Day in and day out, I was thinking about the quickest way to make millions of dollars and not having to do the work anymore.
I would dream about travelling the world in luxury, having people make my food, getting out of bed when I chose and having to make decisions for no one else again, but myself.
Because, if I did this, I would have made it in life and be happy, right?
And so it was this dream of eventually being happy that I kept waking up tired, stressed, miserable and even depressed at times.
I would feel angrier, lonelier and sadder each day.
I would have thoughts of killing myself.
I would have images of how I could kill myself.
I could shoot myself.
I could jump off a building.
I could poison myself.
I could stab myself. (The thought of this felt too painful and long for me though)
But I would tell myself that doing this would be weak, as so many people were relying on me.
Family, Employees, Clients, Friends and many more.
This stopped me, because at that moment in time I cared about what other people thought and I would destroy my soul for the benefit of others.
I didn't want to let anyone down.
And I couldn't see a way out…
So on the 31st August 2015, when I walked out on the business that I and business partners had grown from $0 - $12 million in 3 years, leaving behind the Mercedes, the company paying for my home and bills, the $70,000 personal play money I would receive each year and $153,000 of my personal cash, it all changed...
And then, I had to figure out why throughout my life everything would go really great for me and then all of a sudden come crashing down on me.
To be continued….